How to Get Him to Invest in Your Relationship (and Make It Last)

You know, there’s this common belief that women want commitment while men crave freedom. It’s something we’ve all heard a million times, right? Women hoping for a proposal that never comes. Men living the bachelor lifestyle like it’s a religion.

At first glance, it feels like the ultimate truth. But honestly? It’s not that simple.

Generalizations like these make things seem hopeless—like there’s nothing we can do to bridge the gap. If he doesn’t want to commit, why bother? And if she’s only after a ring, why lead her on?

But here’s what I’ve learned:
Most people—around 90%—end up getting married at least once in their lives. That means we do find ways to balance our need for freedom and commitment.

One way to understand this is through something called the investment model of relationships. It breaks things down into four factors that determine whether a relationship will thrive or fizzle:

1. Satisfaction
2. Investment
3. Alternatives
4. Commitment

When both people are happy in the relationship, have invested time or effort into it, and don’t see other tempting options, they’re much more likely to stay committed.

And here’s the kicker: It’s not just about how much he loves you. A man can love you deeply but still hesitate to commit if even one of these factors isn’t quite right.

Take alternatives, for example. If a guy thinks he has endless options—thanks to dating apps or that “grass-is-greener” mentality—he’s less likely to commit.

But this works both ways! A woman with several men vying for her attention is also going to hold out until she’s sure she’s found the best option.

Then there’s investment. This is why some men fight to keep a relationship together just as hard as women do. When a man invests a lot—like building a life, a home, or a family—he’s far more likely to work through tough times.

On the flip side, women are more likely to leave a relationship if they haven’t invested much and aren’t satisfied. These days, women initiate divorce more often than men, often because they feel the relationship isn’t making them happy.

So, what does this mean for you and your relationship?

If you want to strengthen his commitment, here’s how you can use these factors:

1. Make him feel good about the relationship.
   Focus on positivity. Follow the 5-to-1 rule: for every negative interaction, have at least five positive ones. Compliments, affection, and genuine appreciation go a long way.
2. Encourage him to invest.
   Start small. Ask for his help with something—fixing a shelf, planning a date night, or even doing something fun together like booking tickets for an event. When he invests time and effort, he’s more likely to value the relationship.
3. Outshine the competition.
   Okay, you can’t control who he meets or sees, but you can remind him of what sets you apart. Be your amazing, authentic self. The real you beats any filtered image or fleeting crush.

At the end of the day, a relationship built on high satisfaction, meaningful investment, and few distractions is the kind that lasts. And guess what? You deserve nothing less than that.